Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Floor bacon is actually really good
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Please don't give away my fajitas
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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