No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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