i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
