Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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