yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
