Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
