and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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