please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So much Jack, so little girl.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
