who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize