If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
