I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How external is "for external use only"?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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