Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
