her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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