I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
