Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have demons in me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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