so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
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Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
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Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.