just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
