drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
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I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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