I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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