We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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