i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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