I faked an abortion last night.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight