It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
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Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly