i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
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Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.