I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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