Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize