god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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