the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.