Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November