Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
