Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.