Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
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I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.