Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?