Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me