I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover