Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
