He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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