Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
