I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
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It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
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I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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