I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
