I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
someone owes me an orgasm
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
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Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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