I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My bed smells like the plague
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize