I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth