We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer