So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.