In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks