He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
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Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.