I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There r osticjed everywhere
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved