Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
