I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize