if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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