if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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