i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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