can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
