I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize