I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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