youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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