My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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