I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize