you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
