How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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