Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
